Monday, September 15, 2008

When life gives you lemons...

make lemonade!!!!! (However sometimes I feel like taking the lemons and squirting them in the eye of the person who gave them to me. However since sometimes it is myself that has produce the lemons I choose to not follow the above feeling.)

I truly am and optimist however sometimes my optimistic spirit feels more like a cat who just had a thousand gallons of water dumped on it resulting in a wet, angry, miserable, frustrated, cold, and vengeful CAT. As of late things have been going alright. God has continued to bless us with the simple neccesities of life as well as the occasional not-so-simple-but-wonderful things of life.

I can't complain too much because God has blessed us so much financially at a time that it seems like so many others are struggling greatly, however I feel that sometimes blessings, as mentioned above come with a price that we feel we would gladly trade, i.e. the financial blessing for other blessings.

In the past couple of weeks I again have been given "learning experiences" (most the time I prefer to call them trials, but not trying to be too much like the wet cat, I am trying to let my optimistic side prevail). We are pretty certain that again I have had another miscarriage in the past couple weeks. The blessing atleast in this one was that I was not readily anticipating it as I was with the previous pregnancy, because I wasn't sure if I was pregnant. In a train of events that would be oh so difficult to try and put into words, I have learned something from these miscarriages. Now this may sound odd to many but through much praying and striving for personal revelation, as well as some amazingly sad happenings I feel strongly that there is a reason for my miscarriages. Adam and I will be unable to have children until we are sealed in the temple. Someone who was helping me try to sort through the fog mentioned this to me "With the way the world is going, do you think your promised little babies are waiting for the protection of being sealed to you before they try and make the venture to earth and survive the last days?" I had never thought of that before. My more selfish side says I want a baby right now and that it is unfair I have to wait. But my more spiritual side can understand my babies wanting to wait. I understand all things happen in the Lord's time, but sometimes it just doesn't seem fast enough.

In other events we learned that Adam's left lung is really not doing so well at all. I am almost certain it is cancer but my stuborn husband refuses to hear anything about it. We have started him on herbal remedies to try help stop and decrease any possible growths that may be occuring, but it doesn't make any easier dealing with the idea of him possibly not being in my life. I received a priesthood blessing from my bishop weeks ago that promised me we would live a long, happy and prosperous life together, IF we lived righteously. However his habit of smoking has been almost impossible for him to quit, and it makes me so nervous about what the outcome may be if he doesn't quit soon! I try to remain positive and look at it as God's way of helping him quit so we can begin the babysteps of getting to the temple, but sometimes (being the stubborn and sometimes demanding person I can be) I want to make my husband quit right now and see things my way... since this will not happen I will continue to pray and hope that my husband can have the ability to overcome this awful habit and that his body will be able to heal from the damage...

3 comments:

Mamma Letty said...

Sorry to hear of the um, "learning experiences".
It is always tough to fully understand the big picture, but it is nice when we get the little godly insights now and then.
As for adam...has Adam had his lungs checked by an actual Dr.? Not to downplay the herbal route, but if he does indeed have cancer or other issues, it would be a good idea to see the severity and to get medical intervention ASAP. Early prevention and diagnosis are your best chances at beating it.

Have you seen your Dr. for the miscarriages? It is always tough to go through and I wish you the best.
I'm glad you were born with an optimistic mind, however sometimes it is OK to Screech like a cat!
Give Adam a hug and tell him hello. If you were to check with a med DR. they could probrably give him some tools to help with the smoking, if he has decided he's ready to give it up.
It's ok to ask for help.
The other think is that each stake should be having a 12 step recovery coarse that covers all sorts of addictions. You may want to check into it and see if it is available in your area.
We love you!

JoAnna said...

He wont see a Dr. He doesn't want to know if in actuality he does have it. He has gotten on the prescription "Chantix" to try and help him quit but hes having a heck of a time on the habit of having his hands and mouth busy. I buy him jolly ranchers, sunflower seeds, straws, and anything else that might help him remain preoccupied to not think about smoking. We do have the 12 step program in our stake but it isn't currently going on. I have the book for the 12 step program, but getting him to read it is something else. He doesn't want me to help him or say anything about it. Tammy our hollistic healer can test if it is cancer but he doesn't want to know if it is. So as of now I am giving him herbs that Aunt Sylvia used while fighting lung cancer and hoping that they help. He is currently taking Chlorophil, Graviola, Essiac Tea, and he's drinking some of the "colored" water. I guess that's all I can do aside from praying for him. Until he wants help no one can give it to him.

I have seen the Dr. for the miscarriages and he doesn't say much about them. He says he isn't concerned until I have 3 miscarriages and if I have 3 in a row they will probably put me on preogesterone shots to try and help my body keep the pregnancy. I have talked about it with Adam and I think for now we are just going to quit trying all together. The feeling I've gotten through praying and such is that I have the ability to get pregnant but until we are sealed none of the pregnancies will carry to term. So instead of trying to deal with a bunch of miscarriages I opted to just quit until I know we are really close to going to the temple. As of now it looks like it will be quite sometime until the temple happens. So I am using it as an opportunity to get us even more financially "fit" as well as physically and spiritually fit.

I love you so much and I am grateful you are my sister! I miss you so much and look forward to a time Adam and I can take an adventure and come visit you.

Brian and Rena said...

JoAnna I am sorry to hear about the miscarriages. I know it is not an easy thing to deal with. I do agree on you insight however! When Brian and I first got married we tried and tried to get pregnant. We had 4 miscarriages before we were sealed in the temple! We found out we were pregnant the day before we got sealed in the temple. I honestly to these day believe that if we would of choosen to not be sealed that we would of had another miscarriage with Lexi. So I completely understand what you mean. After Lexi when we tried to have another baby and then would have a miscarriage at the time I couldn't see why it would still not be successful, you know? But looking back.. every time we would try and it wouldn't work there was always some type of problem or disaster or something that I would not have been able to deal with while being pregnant. Which now makes it a little easier, but I couldn't see it at the time. It's true the Lord works in his time and his ways and he knows what is best for us. So just keep looking foward. I know it doesn't seem like it now, but it is whats best for us at this time. Remember if you need anyone I am here to talk to!
Love ya tons!
Miss you!
Rena