make lemonade!!!!! (However sometimes I feel like taking the lemons and squirting them in the eye of the person who gave them to me. However since sometimes it is myself that has produce the lemons I choose to not follow the above feeling.)
I truly am and optimist however sometimes my optimistic spirit feels more like a cat who just had a thousand gallons of water dumped on it resulting in a wet, angry, miserable, frustrated, cold, and vengeful CAT. As of late things have been going alright. God has continued to bless us with the simple neccesities of life as well as the occasional not-so-simple-but-wonderful things of life.
I can't complain too much because God has blessed us so much financially at a time that it seems like so many others are struggling greatly, however I feel that sometimes blessings, as mentioned above come with a price that we feel we would gladly trade, i.e. the financial blessing for other blessings.
In the past couple of weeks I again have been given "learning experiences" (most the time I prefer to call them trials, but not trying to be too much like the wet cat, I am trying to let my optimistic side prevail). We are pretty certain that again I have had another miscarriage in the past couple weeks. The blessing atleast in this one was that I was not readily anticipating it as I was with the previous pregnancy, because I wasn't sure if I was pregnant. In a train of events that would be oh so difficult to try and put into words, I have learned something from these miscarriages. Now this may sound odd to many but through much praying and striving for personal revelation, as well as some amazingly sad happenings I feel strongly that there is a reason for my miscarriages. Adam and I will be unable to have children until we are sealed in the temple. Someone who was helping me try to sort through the fog mentioned this to me "With the way the world is going, do you think your promised little babies are waiting for the protection of being sealed to you before they try and make the venture to earth and survive the last days?" I had never thought of that before. My more selfish side says I want a baby right now and that it is unfair I have to wait. But my more spiritual side can understand my babies wanting to wait. I understand all things happen in the Lord's time, but sometimes it just doesn't seem fast enough.
In other events we learned that Adam's left lung is really not doing so well at all. I am almost certain it is cancer but my stuborn husband refuses to hear anything about it. We have started him on herbal remedies to try help stop and decrease any possible growths that may be occuring, but it doesn't make any easier dealing with the idea of him possibly not being in my life. I received a priesthood blessing from my bishop weeks ago that promised me we would live a long, happy and prosperous life together, IF we lived righteously. However his habit of smoking has been almost impossible for him to quit, and it makes me so nervous about what the outcome may be if he doesn't quit soon! I try to remain positive and look at it as God's way of helping him quit so we can begin the babysteps of getting to the temple, but sometimes (being the stubborn and sometimes demanding person I can be) I want to make my husband quit right now and see things my way... since this will not happen I will continue to pray and hope that my husband can have the ability to overcome this awful habit and that his body will be able to heal from the damage...