Tuesday, March 25, 2008

I need some un-biased opinions... PLEASE HELP!

So in the midts of my wonderful life I have been fighting an awful battle on Adam's side of the family. Last fall I turned my sister-in-law Lydia (Adam's brother's wife) into Child Protective Services (CPS). From the time I came into the family she has been extremly physically and mentally abusive to their only child (daughter) Tayla. Lydia grabs Tayla by fist-fulls of hair and jerks her around, she beats her butt with any available objects, i.e. sticks, arrows, foot, etc. amongst several other forms of what she considers "appropriate discipline." She also calls Tayla a lot of awful names, including but not limited to: Bitch, cow, etc. Now let me inform you that Tayla just barely turned 6, two weeks ago. This has been going on most of her life. From a person who I know is not judgemental to any degree told me recently about a situation where Lydia brought Tayla into their deli and ordered food for herself and proceeded to eat it in front of Tayla. When Tayla cried that she was hungry and wanted some food to, Lydia proceeded to back hand her and tell her to "shut the hell up." So even after turning her into CPS she continues to abuse Tayla.
Well the turning point for me turning Lydia in to CPS came when I was informed by a couple of different people that at the campground where everyone camps during hunting season, Lydia bare-bottomed (pull pants and underwear clear down to atleast her knees) Tayla, and proceeded to beat her butt with a carbon arrow, over and over. All the while Tayla is screaming "Mom stop, you hurting my hand" (she kept putting her hand in front of her butt to try and protect it). Her beating her bottom like she did was because Tayla played in the creek after her mom told her not to. On top of all of this everyone person in the ENTIRE side of Adam's family has and had so much to say about how Lydia treats Tayla, and how she mothers her, etc. Everytime Lydia would call her something nasty or beat her, everyone who have something to say amongst themselve but never actually say anything to Lydia or do something about it.
Well in the midst of turning Lydia in, I told one person who I thought I could really trust about me turning Lydia. This person in turn told another person about what I did. This person turned out to be Lydia's best friend and told her all about how it was me who turned her in. Trying to make a long story short... EVERYONE in the ENTIRE FREAKING FAMILY has nothing to say to Lydia. Lydia went around confronting everyone on whether or not they thought I was right, they all coward back pretended like I was crazy and there was nothing wrong in the way she treats Tayla. Also when it all came out everyone was like "JoAnna, I can't believe you turned her in!" or "Why did you turn her in." or "I don't agree with you, but I'm not taking sides." Now the kicker to the whole situation is that everyone of the people who had something to say about how wrong I was for turning her in, had talked about it time and time again about wrong she is and how she needs help. Now to top it all of I've become everyone's black sheep. But they don't just come out and act like I am. They pretend to be all sweet to my face and then when I turn my back it becomes a "Lets trash on JoAnna" party.
When it all came out that it was me who turned Lydia in I wrote her and e-mail trying to explain my reasoning behind it and that I hoped that we could mend bridges, etc. In return I got a nasty e-mail telling me pretty much that I am the scum of the earth and I have no idea what I am talking about and how I am a liar and all this big line of crap.
Now comes the part where I need your opinion. I've tried letting it die from the day it all happened (last november is when she found and it all started) and I wrote her the e-mail to try and fix it. However, time and time again people in the family take it upon themselves to tell me quote on quote "You need to get over your shit and move on in life." Well the funny thing to that is I don't talk to anyone in th family about it, aside from my husband once in a while when something about it comes up. Also in the midst of all this happening all of our friends and family members say they don't care, etc. However, everyone treats me differently and acts as if though I am a threat to their children. I have been contemplating writing a family and friend wide letter to all those involved because I don't know of any other way to try and fix things. On top of that I found out that my dear sweet sister-in-law Lydia is going around town (still to this present day) to everyone making sure they know her side of the story and showing them the e-mail she wrote me, but not the one I wrote her. I wouldn't be concerned with this too much but it could affect my job where I work with disabled children and adults. All in all I am at a loss with the situation and trying to figure out what to do. If you want a very, honest, and accurate description of Lydia's personality just look up narcissism on google and read the signs and symptom section. I am not joking in any regard. I just want someone who isn't involve in it all to tell me what they think my best options are. If it were up to me and how I feel today I would just as soon drive over to Lydia's house and beat the heck out of her. I know this would do ABSOLUTELY NOTHING! but it sure seems like it would make me feel a lot better. I really would appreciate honest opinions on the matter. Thanks.


Mamma Letty said...

I would not discuss the issue with anyone/aside from . I would hold my head high and in the face of scrutiny and speculation, hold your ground. In your field of profession you should not feel bad about turning her in.
Child abuse is unacceptable! I think the biggest problem with the small towns that you live in is that everyone hides all of these abuses!!!
HOLD YOUR GROUND! If it effects your work it should for the better.
There is NO excuse for that form of treatment.
She needs help.
Be confident in your decision and disregard anyone else's opinion.
It's hard to be the one to rock the boat, but someone needs to.
If nothing, that little girl will one day look back and be grateful for your intervention.

JoAnna said...

Thank you for your comment. It was very much so, what I needed to hear. I have thought about finding a social worker to try and join me in writing a letter to the editor to try and raise awareness about abuse. I keep praying and I know my prayers are falling under the "Unanswered" section at the moment. But I just wish there was something I could do to make Tayla safe and help her heal before it becomes too late. O well I guess it will happen in God's due time and when it does I hope that Tayla will be able to overcome it all.

Lisa B. said...

I agree with everything that Letti says. Look long term for that little girl. and Your sis in law obviously isnt happy with herself and so will never be happy with anyone around her. The only one you can help is the lil one. hang in there Joana and keep helping that little girl see a light at the end of the tunnel