Tuesday, February 5, 2008

Caution

So this blog is going to be about a topic that some may find inapropriate, rude or out of line. This blog is NOT intended to hurt feelings or cause offense, it is purely my take on a topic that has bluntly and intrusively taken a toll on my family in the past year, as well as several years ago, as well as personally. Please don't take offense to reading this.


2007 in really shorts terms was a HELL of a year, and not in a good way. The awful beast that is Satan and his temptation took a devastating blow to our family. I am not going to name names or point fingers I am leaving it general. The awful plague that is molestation hit our family again. In the midst of it all I was brought to remember a pass that I had locked away in my lil closet in my head never to look at it again. Unfortunately I did look at them again and had to come to terms with things in my self. The pass that I thought I had forgotten was that of being molestated different times while growing up. None of it was by family members, but still the same not easy to deal with. Now several people have comments about this topic and several have opinions. This is mine. While discussing the topic with a family member of mine they said in short terms that I am going to be haunted by this the rest of my life, because only 2% of those molested ever really get over it. This really bothered me. At the time of our conversation I had already seen a counselor, discussed the issue with my husband, prayed about it and moved on. Now this might seem unrealistic, but I did. I am a better person for it happening to me and have a more open mind to the situation. In a sick way its been a blessing in my life. The whole 2% statistic really bothered me because, well, what was the atonement for? Wasn't the atonement for us to be forgiven, to forgive others, and for God to have the power heal us regardless of how deep the wound was? I know several people have been molested worse than I was and that some have had to walk roads that only appear in my worse nightmare, but still the same didn't God say that we could overcome ANYTHING with his help?
I don't look at the past for my actions in the now. I don't look at what happened to me as a reason to be mad at God. I don't think of any of it as an opportunity to hold a grudge. One of the people who molested me growing I feel awful for. I would take a hundred times what they did to me than to take what they had to deal with in their life. I forgive those who did things to me and move forward in life. This isn't to say that I turn a blind eye now and ignore the topic. Its just that I no longer let what happened to me be a burden in life. If what happened to me can be a blessing or a learning experience to just ONE person in my life, well it was all worth the billions of tears I cried, the medications I took to help me deal (when I thought that's what I needed), the irrational thoughts, and the strain it put on my marriage and other family relationships. I just think that regardless of what may have happened to any of us and how steep the mountain may appear or how impossible it may seem.... that God wouldn't let these things happen to us if he wasn't going to provide us a way to heal from them.

2 comments:

Mamma Letty said...

I'm glad you put that out there and i do have many of the same feelings. I think that we cannot condone what they have done but at the same time they need to make restituion for their trespass.
That is the law, even in the atonement. The problem i find is when others try to bury it in a whole and pretend that it didn't happen. Yes we all can heal...I have felt this same sense of overcoming and achieving greater. But I will not stand for negligence or allowing the pattern to continue.
I'm glad you have found peace. I think that there is a place that it will always be but it no longer can plague me or hold me from reaching a higher plain.

Bonnie said...

well, I just love you guys! Thanks for sharing your thoughts of such a personal nature. I think what you said about being able to help even one person is so valuable. For one thing you can recognize signs and "red flags" around you and become someone else's hero. It's like me when I'm pregnant and throwing up 7 times a day. I can honestly say I KNOW what someone in the same situation is going through. You rock!