So this week has been filled with ALOT of things. It's crazy how we go along day by day doing the same things and then BAM all of a sudden something comes along and ruins our routine. This week has been kind of full of them.
I found out on Wednesday that I have Fibromyalgia. WAHOO! No not really. It's really a hard thing to accept but it really answers a lot of questions for me. I don't fill so insane or crazy anymore. I love my family dearly but, growing up my Dad and brothers would give me so much crap about being a "Whimp" and how I need to suck it up. My body has hurt the majority of my life, things that other people thought nothing of, felt like shoving daggers in my back, legs, or hips. It's a relief to know that it wasn't all in my head. I am not looking to use it as an excuse to not do things in life, but it does provide me with some sanity. It's going to be hard because there's no magical cure and there no quick fix. It's a good thing in a way that its causing me to have to be healthier than I am and to be more fit. I know it was a good thing before this all, but now its crucial. If I don't exercise and stay healthy it could be the being of an awfully painful life. I have to start keeping a food and drink journal and how I felt that day. I have to see what causes the flare ups, what makes things better. It's alot but I know I can do it, it will just take a while.
The other glich in my routine was hearing about a possible job opening for an office job thats coming available in March or April. I am really torn on whether or not to apply. I love the job I have but it's not a stable source of income and I love dearly the children and adults I work with. If I apply for this other job and get it I will be making 3 times more a year than I already am, and it comes with 401 K option and lots of other stuff. It's so hard because I feel so committed to the job I am at but at the same time I crave the stability and routine that the other one would supply me with. I am going to fast and pray about it and see what happens. I sure hope things work out like they are suppose to.
O well, other than all this life is good and I am truly grateful for my wonderful husband the amazing support he is to me through EVERYTHING. God does give us trials to make us better even if it takes forever to see what it did for us. I love life and living and look forward to what the future brings. Hope all is well with everyone else!
Sunday, February 10, 2008
Tuesday, February 5, 2008
Caution
So this blog is going to be about a topic that some may find inapropriate, rude or out of line. This blog is NOT intended to hurt feelings or cause offense, it is purely my take on a topic that has bluntly and intrusively taken a toll on my family in the past year, as well as several years ago, as well as personally. Please don't take offense to reading this.
2007 in really shorts terms was a HELL of a year, and not in a good way. The awful beast that is Satan and his temptation took a devastating blow to our family. I am not going to name names or point fingers I am leaving it general. The awful plague that is molestation hit our family again. In the midst of it all I was brought to remember a pass that I had locked away in my lil closet in my head never to look at it again. Unfortunately I did look at them again and had to come to terms with things in my self. The pass that I thought I had forgotten was that of being molestated different times while growing up. None of it was by family members, but still the same not easy to deal with. Now several people have comments about this topic and several have opinions. This is mine. While discussing the topic with a family member of mine they said in short terms that I am going to be haunted by this the rest of my life, because only 2% of those molested ever really get over it. This really bothered me. At the time of our conversation I had already seen a counselor, discussed the issue with my husband, prayed about it and moved on. Now this might seem unrealistic, but I did. I am a better person for it happening to me and have a more open mind to the situation. In a sick way its been a blessing in my life. The whole 2% statistic really bothered me because, well, what was the atonement for? Wasn't the atonement for us to be forgiven, to forgive others, and for God to have the power heal us regardless of how deep the wound was? I know several people have been molested worse than I was and that some have had to walk roads that only appear in my worse nightmare, but still the same didn't God say that we could overcome ANYTHING with his help?
I don't look at the past for my actions in the now. I don't look at what happened to me as a reason to be mad at God. I don't think of any of it as an opportunity to hold a grudge. One of the people who molested me growing I feel awful for. I would take a hundred times what they did to me than to take what they had to deal with in their life. I forgive those who did things to me and move forward in life. This isn't to say that I turn a blind eye now and ignore the topic. Its just that I no longer let what happened to me be a burden in life. If what happened to me can be a blessing or a learning experience to just ONE person in my life, well it was all worth the billions of tears I cried, the medications I took to help me deal (when I thought that's what I needed), the irrational thoughts, and the strain it put on my marriage and other family relationships. I just think that regardless of what may have happened to any of us and how steep the mountain may appear or how impossible it may seem.... that God wouldn't let these things happen to us if he wasn't going to provide us a way to heal from them.
2007 in really shorts terms was a HELL of a year, and not in a good way. The awful beast that is Satan and his temptation took a devastating blow to our family. I am not going to name names or point fingers I am leaving it general. The awful plague that is molestation hit our family again. In the midst of it all I was brought to remember a pass that I had locked away in my lil closet in my head never to look at it again. Unfortunately I did look at them again and had to come to terms with things in my self. The pass that I thought I had forgotten was that of being molestated different times while growing up. None of it was by family members, but still the same not easy to deal with. Now several people have comments about this topic and several have opinions. This is mine. While discussing the topic with a family member of mine they said in short terms that I am going to be haunted by this the rest of my life, because only 2% of those molested ever really get over it. This really bothered me. At the time of our conversation I had already seen a counselor, discussed the issue with my husband, prayed about it and moved on. Now this might seem unrealistic, but I did. I am a better person for it happening to me and have a more open mind to the situation. In a sick way its been a blessing in my life. The whole 2% statistic really bothered me because, well, what was the atonement for? Wasn't the atonement for us to be forgiven, to forgive others, and for God to have the power heal us regardless of how deep the wound was? I know several people have been molested worse than I was and that some have had to walk roads that only appear in my worse nightmare, but still the same didn't God say that we could overcome ANYTHING with his help?
I don't look at the past for my actions in the now. I don't look at what happened to me as a reason to be mad at God. I don't think of any of it as an opportunity to hold a grudge. One of the people who molested me growing I feel awful for. I would take a hundred times what they did to me than to take what they had to deal with in their life. I forgive those who did things to me and move forward in life. This isn't to say that I turn a blind eye now and ignore the topic. Its just that I no longer let what happened to me be a burden in life. If what happened to me can be a blessing or a learning experience to just ONE person in my life, well it was all worth the billions of tears I cried, the medications I took to help me deal (when I thought that's what I needed), the irrational thoughts, and the strain it put on my marriage and other family relationships. I just think that regardless of what may have happened to any of us and how steep the mountain may appear or how impossible it may seem.... that God wouldn't let these things happen to us if he wasn't going to provide us a way to heal from them.
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